Loving what I see when the mirror looks at me ’cause I
I imagine me
In a place of no insecurities
And I’m finally happy ’cause
I imagine me Letting go of my past
And glad I have another chance
And my heart will dance
‘Cause I don’t have to read that page again-Kirk Franklin
This is what depression looks like for me. I had this feeling that this is exactly how I was supposed to look…..there was no other option for me. I couldn’t handle my life and this is how I self medicated. Every single time, something irritated, annoyed or upset me….I ate. Was I sad a lot? HA! Look at my size! But God is very interesting to me….
One year I said to God “If I could afford a personal trainer and someone to teach me how to eat the right things I would follow both explicitly.” That was my statement out loud. Be careful what you say out loud to God. It always tends to show up. I join a gym the next year. And I met a wonderful woman with a great gym who helped me work out and lose weight. Guess what? The time I went to the gym in the morning, there were no other people in the building but the owner and I. She and I talked each morning and she worked me OUT! HA! My Personal Trainer!
One day my mom started told me about a friend of hers who was attending a class to learn how to lose weight just for people with diabetes and high blood pressure. (I had all of that!) The class was free and her friend had lost 25 pounds already from seeing the doctor each Thursday. WOW I had to try it. Yep it worked…the first week I lost 10 pounds. I got to know an amazing doctor who taught me a new way of eating and thinking about food. He was crotchety, cantankerous and serious about me losing weight. Sometimes when I want something sweet that I am defiantly not supposed to eat, I hear the doctor say in my ear, “You are a good cook…make some from scratch for yourself! It is healthier and you can control the sugar intake.”
So with 14 more pounds to lose before I hit 200 pounds lost I say, “God is making things happen for me, Even when I don’t see it, even when I don’t feel it, even if it’s not evident. God is working on my prayers.”
Quote for this week: God is within her….she will not fail.