Christmas Eve 2013 my family was coming out of a fancy restaurant after celebrating the holiday season. My Brother-in-law and I were walking about 30 feet in front of the rest of my family. We all had a couple of drinks and my Brother-in-law was especially funny that night. As he was cracking me up, I heard my Sister say to my Mom, “Hold on Mom! Now just a damn minute.” She ran up from behind and started threatening us. “How dare you!” she said. We both turned startled and then she did a double take. The woman she saw her husband flirting with was me. “Oh Yvette, I didn’t recognize you! I thought you were behind us.” REALLY?
But in reality, this happens to me all the time. I don’t recognize the Yvette I know. I find that when I clothes shop, I start at the biggest size in the store. I do this automatically. My mind won’t let me start in the size I wear because that really can’t be me. They have some scientific name for this but I ain’t buying into it. But let me tell you about a few things I have learned in the past weeks:
Acceptance of me is DIFFICULT!! Last week one of my oldest girlfriends posted a picture of us on Facebook. We not out of high school in this picture. And to tell the truth, we don’t look that much different. OK except for our style was CRAZY! But thinking back, I was in the best shape of my life. I had just gotten an athletic scholarship to college to play softball and I was a hustler. I was also plus size. They had no softball uniforms my size and mine was specially made. There were very few girls my size in high school and I was a size 16. Now I realize that is my shape and there is nothing I can do about it! I am starting to look the same way I did at 17 and I really like it this time.
Haters gonna hate!! Sometime in life, you just gotta do what you want to do and realize that not everybody will support your dreams. If anyone in your small circle can’t accept your changes….move them out of your circle! HARD lesson learned. I have loss a few friends on the way, but they could not accept a healthier me. I just want to be the best possible person I can be without living up to others standards. Hell, my own standards are hard enough.
I feel at peace! Now let’s get this straight, lots of things are going on that should make me a little nervous. But nothing makes me want to go eat. Nothing makes me decide that a hostess cupcake would solve the problem. Nowadays that is a cool feeling. When things get crazy, I just ask God what am I suppose to learn from this situation. This brings a lot of clarity to the circumstances.
Love this saying: Ego says, “Once everything falls into place, I will find peace.” Spirit says “Find peace and everything will fall into place.